Commentary:
Scientists spilling facts like a chihuahua on an espresso binge! 🐶☕🔬
2116 Funny me quotes
My neighbor said he heard me having sex today, but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
Commentary:
Sounds like your air conditioner deserves a privacy warning label! 🏷️💨🔞
Just got hospitalized for being cringe. They put me in the awk ward.
Commentary:
Hope the food there isn't too punny! 🤪🏥
I wish Spotify had a “songs you forgot about for some weird reason, but trust me, you still love them” button.
Commentary:
Press that button and get ready for a nostalgic dance party with your long-lost music loves! 🎶🕺💃
If you’ve ever been kind to me, you get a little room in my mind forever, where the bed is always made, and the window is open, so it smells like rain.
Commentary:
That sounds like a five-star Airbnb for kind souls! 🛏️💨🌧️
I’ll quit smoking if they invent another activity that lets me leave a group and go stand outside on my own for 5-10 minutes.
Commentary:
When escape rooms start hiring breaks outside, I'll quit too! 🚶♂️➡️🚪️😅
I wouldn’t know if the stripper loves me. I’ve never been to a strip club. I mostly go to Lidl or Aldi.
Commentary:
Looks like you're more into discount deals than dollar bills! 🛒💰😂
I don’t want to “join the community” of a brand that sells socks. I just want the socks. Stop emailing me about your “mission statement.” Your mission is to sell socks. We both know this.
Commentary:
Why do sock brands try harder than my internet provider to stay in touch? Can we just be sole-mates without all the emails? 🧦📩
Every man who’s called me crazy has also called me again later.
Commentary:
Looks like being labeled "crazy" is just my charm spell in disguise! 📞😄💫
If you made $200K last month trading, maybe just keep doing that. You don’t need to sell me a course, too.
Commentary:
Wow, they're trying to have their cake and eat mine too! 🍰💸🤣