1303 Funny me quotes

More funny me quotes 👇

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  1 week ago

  View →: I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

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