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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Just shared via Slack:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Live now on TikTok:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Just landed via X:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Just landed via Threads:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

18 Funny middle age quotes

Funny middle age quotes bring a hilarious twist to those awkward years when you’re too young to retire but too old to party like you used to 😂🎉 Embrace the quirks, wrinkles, and wisdom with a smile 😜 Whether you’re rocking gray hairs or just figuring out where your keys disappeared 🧐, these witty lines will have you laughing through the midlife madness! 🎈✨

New funny middle age quotes 👇

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

1 week ago

40s, adulthood, age, allowed, broke, college, college kid, grow, humor, kid, kids, lifestyle, living, middle, middle age, millennial, millennials, never, still, young, youth
Like most people my age, I’m 50.

2 weeks ago

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people
Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

2 weeks ago

50s, age, age humor, aging, humor, joke, life, life stage, middle, middle age, new, pain, stage, welcome
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

2 weeks ago

40s, age, aging, breath, breathlessness, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, run, running, sh, trying, welcome
The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

2 weeks ago

50, 50s, after, age, age humor, aging, forget, forgetting, humor, i, joke, just, know, lapse, me, memory, memory lapse, middle, middle age, over, stuff
Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, another, chin, humor, loneliness, lonely, looks, middle, middle age, self-deprecation, welcome
Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

3 weeks ago

age, drink, humor, hungover, life, middle, middle age, reality, wake, wake up, welcome, where
Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

3 weeks ago

age, aging, enlarge, humor, instructions, lifestyle, middle, middle age, pictures, take, technology, welcome
My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

3 weeks ago

age, ages, belief, context, demon, humor, middle, middle age, people, possession, reaction, reason, sneeze

For even more funny middle age quotes, hit next 👇

All funny middle age quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on X this month:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

34 shares on Threads this month:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

29 shares on X this month:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

19 shares on Slack this month:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Spotted on Messenger:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Trending via Reddit:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Breaking via Twitch:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Just landed via YouTube:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Seen just now on Messenger:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Live now on Telegram:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

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