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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Going viral on Reddit:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Live now on Twitch:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Trending via Slack:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Going viral on Discord:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

18 Funny middle age quotes

Funny middle age quotes bring a hilarious twist to those awkward years when you’re too young to retire but too old to party like you used to 😂🎉 Embrace the quirks, wrinkles, and wisdom with a smile 😜 Whether you’re rocking gray hairs or just figuring out where your keys disappeared 🧐, these witty lines will have you laughing through the midlife madness! 🎈✨

New funny middle age quotes 👇

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

2 days ago

40s, adulthood, age, allowed, broke, college, college kid, grow, humor, kid, kids, lifestyle, living, middle, middle age, millennial, millennials, never, still, young, youth
Like most people my age, I’m 50.

4 days ago

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people
Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

4 days ago

50s, age, age humor, aging, humor, joke, life, life stage, middle, middle age, new, pain, stage, welcome
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

5 days ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

5 days ago

40s, age, aging, breath, breathlessness, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, run, running, sh, trying, welcome
The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

5 days ago

50, 50s, after, age, age humor, aging, forget, forgetting, humor, i, joke, just, know, lapse, me, memory, memory lapse, middle, middle age, over, stuff
Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

5 days ago

age, aging, another, chin, humor, loneliness, lonely, looks, middle, middle age, self-deprecation, welcome
Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

2 weeks ago

age, drink, humor, hungover, life, middle, middle age, reality, wake, wake up, welcome, where
Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, enlarge, humor, instructions, lifestyle, middle, middle age, pictures, take, technology, welcome
My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

2 weeks ago

age, ages, belief, context, demon, humor, middle, middle age, people, possession, reaction, reason, sneeze

For even more funny middle age quotes, hit next 👇

All funny middle age quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

57 shares on Discord this month:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

49 shares on Discord this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,613

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Trending via Discord:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Live now on Pinterest:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Going viral on Snapchat:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Breaking via Instagram:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Live now on Snapchat:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Making waves on Messenger:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Just landed via WeChat:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

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