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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Live now on Discord:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Just landed via X:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Just shared via Reddit:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Breaking via Twitch:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

18 Funny middle age quotes

Funny middle age quotes bring a hilarious twist to those awkward years when you’re too young to retire but too old to party like you used to 😂🎉 Embrace the quirks, wrinkles, and wisdom with a smile 😜 Whether you’re rocking gray hairs or just figuring out where your keys disappeared 🧐, these witty lines will have you laughing through the midlife madness! 🎈✨

New funny middle age quotes 👇

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

2 weeks ago

40s, adulthood, age, allowed, broke, college, college kid, grow, humor, kid, kids, lifestyle, living, middle, middle age, millennial, millennials, never, still, young, youth
Like most people my age, I’m 50.

2 weeks ago

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people
Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

2 weeks ago

50s, age, age humor, aging, humor, joke, life, life stage, middle, middle age, new, pain, stage, welcome
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

2 weeks ago

40s, age, aging, breath, breathlessness, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, run, running, sh, trying, welcome
The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

2 weeks ago

50, 50s, after, age, age humor, aging, forget, forgetting, humor, i, joke, just, know, lapse, me, memory, memory lapse, middle, middle age, over, stuff
Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, another, chin, humor, loneliness, lonely, looks, middle, middle age, self-deprecation, welcome
Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

3 weeks ago

age, drink, humor, hungover, life, middle, middle age, reality, wake, wake up, welcome, where
Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

3 weeks ago

age, aging, enlarge, humor, instructions, lifestyle, middle, middle age, pictures, take, technology, welcome
My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

3 weeks ago

age, ages, belief, context, demon, humor, middle, middle age, people, possession, reaction, reason, sneeze

For even more funny middle age quotes, hit next 👇

All funny middle age quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

At least life has music.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

18 shares on Threads this month:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Spotted on Twitch:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Making waves on Discord:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Live now on Messenger:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Trending via Pinterest:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Trending via Snapchat:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Making waves on Twitch:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

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