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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,763

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Going viral on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Just landed via Twitch:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Just shared via Slack:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Live now on X:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Funny nail quotes

Funny nail quotes 💅✨ are the perfect way to add a splash of humor to your mani game! Whether you’re a nail art newbie or a polish pro, these witty sayings will keep your nails laughing as much as they’re shining. Ready to brighten up your day and your fingertips? Let’s dive into some seriously stylish sass with a side of giggles! 😂💖 #NailGoals #ManiMood

New funny nail quotes 👇

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

2 days ago

actually, big, economy, laundering, laundering scheme, money, nail, nail salon, salon, scheme, shop, town, vape, vape shop
My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

3 days ago

care, humor, multitasking, nail, nail care, nails, self-care, session, should, talking, therapist, therapy, therapy session, while
The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

6 days ago

date, heels, humor, i, intimacy, nail, playful, relationship, sex, stay, toe, toe nail
Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

2 weeks ago

being, boy, child, childhood, horror, isolation, nail, only, only child, shining, sibling

All funny nail quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

86 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

100 shares on X this month:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

25 shares on Discord this month:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

31 shares on X this month:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Just landed via Facebook:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Spreading quickly via X:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Going viral on Instagram:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Just landed via Discord:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

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