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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Making waves on Threads:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Making waves on Slack:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Trending via WeChat:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Trending via Twitch:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Funny plume quotes

New funny plume quotes 👇

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

1 week ago

cleverness, critic, de, food, humor, i, nom, nom de plume, plume, pun, restaurant, under, writing

All funny plume quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on YouTube this month:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I only drink when I people.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

74 shares on Threads this month:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Just shared via Messenger:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Just landed via WeChat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Seen just now on Threads:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Making waves on WeChat:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

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Funny plume quotes

New funny plume quotes 👇

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

All funny plume quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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