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172 Funny relationships quotes

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As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.
I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.
The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.
I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

More funny relationships quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Can’t, holding a grudge.

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't go to the 'Forgiveness Workshop'… too busy holding a grudge 😏🙅‍♂️ #GrudgeLife"
5 months ago
Share →: My life coach traded me.

Commentary:
Looks like your life coach upgraded to a higher maintenance client! 🔄💁‍♂️ Time to find a new coach who won't trade you in for the latest model. #LifeCoachProblems 😄🏃‍♂️
5 months ago
Share →: Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone hit a double whammy of lack of car knowledge and social skills! 🤣 Remember, folks, when offering help, it's best to be prepared in all aspects of life! 🚗💁‍♀️"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Commentary:
"Receiving a mystery Valentine's Day card is like a romantic game of Clue 🕵️‍♀️: 'Was it Cupid in the garden with an arrow?' But a mystery Father's Day card just raises questions like 'Wait, who's my real dad?' 🤔🃏"
5 months ago
Share →: Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Commentary:
Oh, so vaping is like the ultimate cockblocker for onlookers, huh? 😂🚭 Nothing like a cloud of vapor to spice up the atmosphere, or kill the mood, depending on who you ask! 💨🚫 So, watch out vapers, you might inadvertently be saving yourself from unwanted advances! 😅 #VapeAndChill
5 months ago
Share →: Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Commentary:
"Looks like your mom's got your colleagues beat in the job security department! 😂👦👧 Who knew family ties could be so enduring at work? Time to start navigating the office jungle gym without climbing over one another! 🐒🌿 #MomKnowsBest"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Commentary:
"Looks like the only spirits this investigator is chasing are the ones who disappeared after reading my messages 👻🕵️‍♂️ #GhostedExpert"
5 months ago
Share →: I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Commentary:
"Well, who needs to worry about rising sea levels when you've got rising heart rates on dates, right? 😅🌍❤️ Swipe right for love, swipe left on climate change! 😜🔥 #ClimateApocalypseVsLoveApocalypse"
5 months ago
Share →: Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Commentary:
"Getting left on read is like waiting for a royal response from a Nigerian prince… except you're neither getting a fortune nor a crown 👑🤷‍♂️ #RoyalGhosting"
5 months ago
Share →: “Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Commentary:
Well, if they're really that deprived of hugs, they might as well start a "Bro Hug Club" 🤗👬 Who needs a significant other when you've got your bros for cuddles, am I right? 😄 #TeamBroHug