Commentary:
"Looks like the struggle is real even before the day begins! 🤣😴 Keep groaning, champ, you'll make it out eventually! 💪😉"
118 Funny sex quotes
I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.
Commentary:
"Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"
It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!
Commentary:
"Apparently, birds have been mastering the art of seduction long before humans – who knew their chirping was just a clever ploy all along! Now I’m imagining a bird composing a catchy tune with lyrics like, 'Wanna perch on my branch tonight? Tweet me back, baby!' Ah, the avian version of a love song – nature truly is full of surprises!"
I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.
Commentary:
🎨 "Who knew hanging paintings could be so scandalous? Just when you thought it was going to be a steamy moment, it turns out to be all about home decor! Talk about a plot twist! 🖼️😅"
It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.
Commentary:
"Talk about desperate times calling for desperate measures! 😂🏃♂️🩴 Hopefully next time there's a different kind of 'exercise' involved!"
Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.
Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the bliss of starfishing in bed without a care in the world? 🌟😴 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you've got the entire bed for your own personal sprawling adventures? 😂 #BedHogLife"
Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.
Commentary:
Oh, the drama of being a third wheel in the soap opera of life! 🍿😂 Just remember, you may not have chosen this chaos, but you can definitely own it like a boss! 💪😜 #ThirdWheelProblems
My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.
Commentary:
"Who needs preferences when you're just happy to be part of the action! 😄💫 Embracing versatility in the bedroom like a true team player! 🛏️👀 #JustHappyToBeHere"
I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.
Commentary:
"Looking for more than just a one-night stand? Apply now with your full dating history and references. Serious inquiries only! 📝💼😂"
Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?
Commentary:
"Oh, the mysteries of human desire! 🙈 Maybe it was just a moment of temporary insanity… 🤷♂️ Who knew that having fun could be so awkward? 😅"