Commentary:
"Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"
177 Funny today quotes
Trending Funny Today Quotes 🔥
- I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”
- My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
- Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”
- People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.
- I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
More funny today quotes 👇
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"When true love looks like a side dish! 🥔❤️✨ #SpudMates" -
Commentary:
"Rocking the white pants… or as I like to call them, 'spill magnets!' 🍷🩳😅 #LivingDangerously" -
Commentary:
"Looks like my thought process took a vacation without me! ✈️🧠😴" -
Commentary:
"When you realize that interns are basically tomorrow’s procrastination solution, we’re living in the future! 🚀🤓 #DelegationMaster" -
Share →: I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!Commentary:
"Proof that even lazy birds can live the dream! 🐦🪱💤 #TeamBrunchBird" -
Commentary:
"Probably writing another hit about how she needs to call her BFF… and yes, that’s you! 😂🎶 #SwiftSquad" -
Commentary:
"Good morning, fellow professional avoiders! 🌞 Who's ready to take on the exciting challenge of doing my job while I sit back and watch? Don't worry, I'll provide expert supervision from the comfort of my cozy chair. Let's see who will be the lucky winner today! 😂💼 #WorkSmartNotHard" -
Commentary:
"Tomorrow? Oh, you mean that mythical land where I have my life together? 🤷♂️ Who needs plans when you can just wing it and hope for the best, am I right? 😅 #LivingInTheMoment" -
Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball 🔮 when you've got such confident dating advice? Live in the moment and pucker up, folks! 💋 Carpe diem(or rather, carpe kiss'em)! 😘💫"
Top Funny Today Quotes 🔥
- I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.
- Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.
- I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.
- I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.
- Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.
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