Skip to content
  • Privacy
  • Disclaimer
  • Terms & Conditions
Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

  • Home
  • Random
  • Pictures
  • January ☃️❄️
Funny Quotes Info 👈

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 39 this month

15,792 funny quotes and pics

17,796 funny quotes topics

Updated: Mar 9, 2026

 

 

285 Funny today quotes

Funny today quotes are perfect for those moments when you realize that “today” is just full of unexpected hilarity! 😅📅 Whether it’s the everyday struggles that become laughable or the little surprises that make your day, these quotes remind us that each day is a chance to find humor in the chaos. Here’s to making today as funny as possible! 😂🎉⏳

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026Feb 25, 2026

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Posts navigation

Older posts
Newer posts

© 2026 Wordgag Inc.

>>> Random Quotes ✨