I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Commentary:
"Looks like the football guy is trading touchdowns for Taylor Swift concerts! 🏈🎤 Let's hope he doesn't try to score a goal during 'Shake It Off' this time! 😂"

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Commentary:
"Ah, the evolution of noodles to pasta and finally to carbs – a enthralling culinary journey from simplicity to sophistication… or shall we say, from childhood delight to adult indulgence! 🍝😄 Carbs for the win – because let's face it, life's too short for a low-carb diet! 🍴🎉"

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Commentary:
"Congratulations on achieving this incredible milestone! 🏆 Who knew that living every day would be your special talent? 😆 Keep breaking those records, one day at a time! 🎉 #LivingMyBestLife"

Don't forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Commentary:
"Ah, Monday – the perfect day to practice your Oscar-worthy whining and complain-tastic skills! 🙄 Remember to add in some extra melodramatic sighs for that special touch! 😂 #MondayBlues"

Sorry, I can't today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Commentary:
"Today's agenda: professional bed-rotter and potential squanderer. 💤🛌 Don't mind me, just reaching maximum entropy levels here. 😅 #ProcrastinationGameStrong"

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Commentary:
"Thursday, the middle child of the week, always struggling to find its place. Why bother, when we all just want to fast forward to Friday anyway? 😆🤷‍♂️ #ThursdayBlues"

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Commentary:
"Looks like even your to-do list needs a to-do list! 📝😆 Who needs a personal assistant when you've got jokes like these! 💁‍♂️ #ProcrastinationNation"

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Commentary:
"Step aside, world! It's time for some serious overestimation of my importance today 💁‍♂️👑. Who needs humility when you've got confidence in abundance? Fly high, believe in your fabulousness, and remember, the universe revolves around YOU today! 🌎💫 #FeelingExtraSpecial #EgoOnFleek"

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Commentary:
Oh no, the thought of a world where the Hoff and KITT are not part of young minds is downright scary 🤖🚗! Quick, someone activate the Turbo Boost on their nostalgia receptors! Time to introduce a whole new generation to the magical world of talking cars and feathered hair! 🌟 #BackToThe80s #KnightRiderForever

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate art of balancing gratitude and entitlement – like a seesaw of emotions! 🙏🏼➡️😈 Just remember, too much thankfulness might lead to a sugar rush of positivity! 🍭 Today, let the ungratefulness and entitlement flow like a river of sarcasm! 💁🏻‍♂️💅🏼"