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6 months ago
Share →: In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Commentary:
"Brrr… chill vibes incoming! ❄️ Embracing my inner winter solstice, so if you need me, I'll be busy perfecting my frosty glare and brooding in the darkness. 😎🌑❄️ #WinterSolsticeMood"

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Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

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The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

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Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

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Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

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Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

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The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

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Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

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We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

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Making waves on Instagram:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Just landed via Slack:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Reported on X:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

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I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

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Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

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Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

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When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

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My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

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Funny winter solstice quotes

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If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

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Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

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Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Ugh, but profoundly.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

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If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

No amount of daylight can save us.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

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