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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,401

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Making waves on Facebook:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

Making waves on Slack:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Shared recently on Discord:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Making waves on TikTok:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Trending via Messenger:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about rejecting rehab, with a playful, rebellious vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Good morning, rebels who refuse to be tamed by society's norms and institutions! 🌞 Just remember, sometimes saying 'no, no, no' to rehab might actually be the right choice… unless you're talking about 'rehab' for your addiction to hitting the snooze button on Monday mornings! 😜⏰ Stay strong and keep dancing to your own tune! 💃🕺"

amy, Amy Winehouse, denial, fun, good, humor, morning, rehab, winehouse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

97 shares on X this month:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

75 shares on X this month:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Shared recently on Discord:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Spotted on YouTube:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Just shared via YouTube:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Going viral on Pinterest:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

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