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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Just landed via Instagram:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Just shared via Discord:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Going viral on Instagram:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Trending via YouTube:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Just landed via Reddit:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.
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Commentary:
Looks like even the Big Guy upstairs is embracing the 'just wing it' philosophy these days! Who knew being a godparent was as easy as saying a quick prayer and bringing a covered dish to the baptism party? Guess God is just looking for warm bodies with good hearts – and a decent sense of humor!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

98 shares on Slack this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

50 shares on X this month:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Spotted on Discord:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Spotted on TikTok:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Shared recently on Slack:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Making waves on Reddit:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

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