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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

1 hour ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Going viral on Slack:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Spotted on Twitch:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Trending via Slack:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Just landed via Messenger:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going viral on Facebook:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Shared recently on Slack:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

4 months ago

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like even the Big Guy upstairs is embracing the 'just wing it' philosophy these days! Who knew being a godparent was as easy as saying a quick prayer and bringing a covered dish to the baptism party? Guess God is just looking for warm bodies with good hearts – and a decent sense of humor!

faith, God, godparent, humor, joke, parenting, recruitment, religion, standard

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

1 hour ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Making waves on Reddit:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Spotted on Discord:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Just landed via Discord:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Live now on Slack:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

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