Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.
  • My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.
  • Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?
  • Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.
  • Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.
  • Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.