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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,248

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Making waves on Messenger:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Just shared via Twitch:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Freshly posted on X:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

Live now on Telegram:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

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How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?
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Commentary:
🧐 Ah, the moment of realization that not everyone sees the world through the lens of binary code and green cascading characters – a Matrix-grade plot twist in real life! 🕶️💻 Who knew dodging bullets and defying gravity was part of the everyday grind for some of us? 😉 Welcome to the reality where red pills are usually just cold and flu medication! 🌐🚫 #MatrixRealizations

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on X this month:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

62 shares on X this month:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,393

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Netflix & by yourself.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Spotted on Telegram:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Making waves on Slack:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Just landed via Slack:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

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