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Commentary:
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. 🌿🦊 Who knew veggies could be the silent enemies all along? Watch out, broccoli, I've got my eyes on you!"

am, animals, hate, humor, i, irony, love, plant, plants, vegetarian

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80 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

14 shares on X this month:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

19 shares on X this month:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Meow means woof in cat.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Life is short, flirt with me!

13 shares on X this month:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

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Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

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I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

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It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Just landed via X:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Seen just now on Twitch:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Just landed via Discord:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Just shared via Slack:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Wordgag ツ

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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

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Wordgag ツ

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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨