I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

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Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

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Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

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Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

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Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

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Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.