34 funny paper quotes - Wordgag

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

May 30, 2026

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

May 29, 2026

Viewing everyone’s stories like the morning paper.

May 29, 2026

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

May 29, 2026

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

May 29, 2026

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

May 28, 2026

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

May 28, 2026

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

May 28, 2026

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

May 28, 2026

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

May 27, 2026

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

May 27, 2026

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

May 27, 2026

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

May 27, 2026

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

May 26, 2026

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

May 26, 2026

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

May 25, 2026

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

May 25, 2026

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

May 25, 2026

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

May 25, 2026

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

May 24, 2026

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

May 24, 2026

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

May 23, 2026

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

May 23, 2026

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

May 23, 2026

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

May 23, 2026

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

May 22, 2026

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

May 22, 2026

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

May 22, 2026

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

May 21, 2026

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

May 21, 2026

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

May 21, 2026

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

May 20, 2026

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

May 19, 2026

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

May 19, 2026