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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,778

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Live now on X:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Breaking via Instagram:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Making waves on Reddit:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Spotted on Messenger:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Breaking via Reddit:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Trending via Reddit:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

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I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.
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Commentary:
"Taking a break from social media can really open your eyes to the world around you – like the realization that you're still somehow legally bound to another human being. Who knew that scrolling through endless cat videos could distract you from checking in on your own love life?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Messenger this month:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

100 shares on Discord this month:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

78 shares on X this month:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,843

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Just shared via Facebook:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Making waves on Telegram:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Trending via LinkedIn:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Making waves on Telegram:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

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