Wordgag 🎅

Commentary:
"Having kids is the ultimate excuse for being fashionably late 🕒 Who needs an alarm clock when you can just blame the little ones for a tardy entrance? 😂 #ParentingPerks"

blame, having, humor, i, imagine, kids, late, nobody, parenting, people, understand, understanding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

0

2 months ago

activity, better, busy, dance, family, humor, i, kids, laughter, plotting, revenge, shake, Shakira, wish
I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

0

2 months ago

doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, humor, January, just, lips, self-care, skin
When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

0

2 months ago

back, circle, circle back, expectation, humor, new, new year, procrastination, year
I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

0

1 month ago

activity, age, aging, club, hardware, hardware store, humor, i, lifestyle, preference, social, social activity, store, where
Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

0

2 months ago

ask, asking, before, flex, humor, kids, parenting, question, road, road trip, trip
The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

0

1 month ago

dark, dark humor, dead, death, humor, keep, keeping, only, people, secret, secret keeping, three, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

87 shares on Discord this month:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

14 shares on X this month:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

93 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

29 shares on X this month:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Spotted on Discord:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Making waves on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Just landed via X:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Spotted on Discord:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Going bananas on YouTube:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Just landed via Facebook:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨