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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Spotted on YouTube:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Going viral on Messenger:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Just landed via Threads:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Seen just now on Discord:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Witty quote about parenthood humorously blaming kids for being late.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Having kids is the ultimate excuse for being fashionably late 🕒 Who needs an alarm clock when you can just blame the little ones for a tardy entrance? 😂 #ParentingPerks"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Reddit this month:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Trending via WeChat:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Making waves on Facebook:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Just landed via WeChat:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Making waves on Reddit:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

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