Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like someone is ready to sweep away the drama like last year's confetti! 🎉 Better apologize now or prepare for a year of being ghosted faster than you can say 'resolution'! 🚫✨ #NewYearNewMe"

apologize, humor, i, issues, me, negativity, new, new year, past, relationships, resolution, start, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

0

5 months ago

communication, cooperation, flirt, humor, i, please, relationship
Time machine? You mean a clock?

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2 months ago

clock, humor, joke, machine, misunderstanding, technology, time, time machine
Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

0

2 months ago

A/C, day, everyone, fingers, humor, images, need, people, power, turn
I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

0

2 months ago

bill, change, dollar, humor, i, independence, money, need, one dollar, relationship, self-worth, single
Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

0

2 months ago

alive, being, cool, ever, existence, horror, humor, irony, life, peace, sex
The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

0

6 months ago

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

48 shares on Twitch this month:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Going viral on Instagram:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Seen just now on Slack:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Just landed via YouTube:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Making waves on Instagram:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨