I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

67 shares on Instagram this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

35 shares on Threads this month:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.