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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,056

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Spotted on Slack:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Live now on Messenger:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Making waves on Messenger:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Just shared via Instagram:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

2 months ago

0

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the never-ending struggle of being a professional complainer! 😂 It's like a full-time job to stay discontented, isn't it? 🙄 Who knew finding new grievances could be so exhausting! 😅 #FirstWorldProblems"

complain, complaint, frustration, hate, humor, i, irony, me, new, problem, sarcasm, self-awareness, solution, someone, something

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

0

2 months ago

honesty, humor, irony, know, lie, people, think, time, truth
If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

0

5 months ago

evil, humor, joke, math, number, pun, root
Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

0

2 months ago

am, being, house, i, person, rich, rich person, stress, struggle, trash, why
I am cassette tape years old.

0

2 months ago

age, am, cassette, cassette tape, childhood, humor, i, nostalgia, old, tape, year’s
Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

0

2 months ago

cry, humor, job, laughter, least, never, paid, productivity, weekend, work
I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

0

2 months ago

battery, caddy, commit, context, gun, humor, i, know, never, pill, reload, remote, things, violence

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WeChat this month:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t always clear my calculator… but when I do, I hit both ‘C’ and ‘CE’ a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

47 shares on X this month:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,082

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Seen just now on X:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Just shared via YouTube:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Spotted on Facebook:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Just shared via TikTok:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Going viral on Snapchat:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

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