I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

44 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.