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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Making waves on TikTok:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Just landed via YouTube:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Just shared via Reddit:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Going viral on Twitch:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

3 days ago

Witty quote about diplomatically admitting you predicted an outcome, with a humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, look at you being all diplomatic and professional with your "This was identified early on as a likely outcome" 🧐 Translation: "I told you so!" 😂 It's like sprinkling a dash of class onto a serving of humble pie! 🥧 #SubtleVictory

advice, communication, early, humor, i, irony, just, learning, outcome, professional, sarcasm, say, told, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Just landed via X:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Making waves on Threads:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Just landed via Reddit:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

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