Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2148 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,310

Funny Quotes Topics

15,037

Funny Quotes Images

12,310

3 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Trending via Pinterest:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Going viral on Slack:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Making waves on TikTok:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Just landed via Telegram:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Going viral on Messenger:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

6 months ago

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so it's been a "missing composure" case since '92? 🕵️‍♂️ Sounds like it's pulling off a great disappearing act! Maybe it's hanging out with those missing socks somewhere… 🧦😄 Who needs composure anyways when you have charm and wit in abundance, right? 💁‍♂️ #ComposureMystery

1992, composure, humor, i, loss, lost, memory, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2148 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,310

Funny Quotes Topics

15,037

Funny Quotes Images

12,310

3 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Spotted on Reddit:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Just landed via Slack:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Spotted on X:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Reported on TikTok:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

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