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Commentary:
"Ah, the selective memory at its finest! 🤔🍴 Holding on to grudges like it's the last piece of pizza in the fridge! 🍕😂 Let's hope our fridge acts as a reminder and not a safe haven for forgotten intentions!"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

1 month ago
call, Christmas, festive, holiday, humor, joke, phone, phone call, prank, Santa, using
If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

1 month ago
animals, comparison, humor, husband, jurassic, Jurassic Park, listen, need, night, park, sleep, snore, sound
Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

1 month ago
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If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

1 month ago
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I love men with a provider fetish.

1 month ago
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Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

1 month ago
desire, drive, existential, humor, joke, life, live, relationship, sex, sex drive, will to live, yes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Spotted on Threads:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Just landed via Reddit:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Breaking via Discord:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Just shared via TikTok:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Making waves on TikTok:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

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Activity Log ✨

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

I love men with a provider fetish.

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

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I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

I love men with a provider fetish.

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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