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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,496

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Going bananas on Facebook:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Live now on Threads:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Trending via Instagram:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Funny quote about missing kids and mosquitoes fighting for attention, playful and witty in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew the mosquitoes were just as desperate as my kids for attention! 🦟😂 Seems like my bedtime becomes a battleground for love and blood-sucking every night! 🛌 #ParentingStruggles"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

54 shares on Telegram this month:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,606

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Making waves on TikTok:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Trending via Instagram:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Seen just now on Telegram:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Making waves on TikTok:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Making waves on Threads:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

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