Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”
  • Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.
  • It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.
  • The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.
  • If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.
  • The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.