I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.