I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

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It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

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The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

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Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

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Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

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The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.