I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

24 shares on Discord this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.