Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Spotted on Threads:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Going viral on WeChat:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Live now on WeChat:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote comparing beer prices to entertainment experiences, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of determining the seriousness of an event based on the beer prices 🍺💸! Remember, friends, when a beer starts costing as much as a fancy cocktail, you're definitely in for a musical extravaganza, not just a casual night out. Time to raise those pint glasses and let the concert begin! 🎶🍻"

activity, beer, concert, entertainment, fun, fun activity, humor, price, show

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Instagram this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

30 shares on X this month:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

12 shares on Slack this month:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

70 shares on Threads this month:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Just landed via WeChat:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Breaking via TikTok:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Just shared via Reddit:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Going viral on Discord:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Just shared via Threads:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Spotted on X:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴