Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,298

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Making waves on Messenger:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Spotted on Messenger:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Just landed via Telegram:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Just shared via YouTube:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Witty text celebrating laziness with a humorous tone about accomplishing nothing today.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Congratulations on mastering the art of productive procrastination! Remember, sometimes achieving nothing is an accomplishment in itself. Keep up the good work!"

, , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Discord this month:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

69 shares on Discord this month:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Spotted on Twitch:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Trending via Facebook:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Just landed via Slack:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Seen just now on Discord:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Trending via WeChat:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

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