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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Breaking via Threads:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Going viral on Threads:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Shared recently on X:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Just landed via X:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Trending via LinkedIn:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Going viral on X:

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

6 days ago

Playful quote about staying up late to end the year with humorous sarcasm.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs fireworks when you have this level of determination to bid farewell to a year? Burning the midnight oil to ensure that 2021 gets the hint – talk about a memorable send-off! Here's to the countdown to brighter days ahead, and a well-deserved good riddance to what's behind us."

celebration, eve, holiday, humor, joke, midnight, new, new year, past, resolution, staying, staying up, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on X this month:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,739

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Seen just now on Slack:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Just shared via YouTube:

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

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