Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Breaking via Slack:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Making waves on Messenger:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Just shared via Messenger:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Just landed via Slack:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

Shared recently on Threads:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Freshly posted on Slack:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

0
I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs fireworks when you have this level of determination to bid farewell to a year? Burning the midnight oil to ensure that 2021 gets the hint – talk about a memorable send-off! Here's to the countdown to brighter days ahead, and a well-deserved good riddance to what's behind us."

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

54 shares on Threads this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

61 shares on Discord this month:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

31 shares on Facebook this month:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

88 shares on Slack this month:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Staying weird for my own sanity.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Just landed via Discord:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Just landed via Instagram:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Trending via X:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Just landed via WeChat:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴