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Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

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A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

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For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

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Dating apps arenโ€™t working. Iโ€™ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

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The day I start waking up early itโ€™s over for you all.

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If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

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If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

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My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

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The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

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The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

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In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Commentary:
"๐ŸŽถ In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is probably rolling her eyes every time my songs blast through the store speakers. Sorry, Mariah, I'll try to keep up! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ›’"



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