NORWICH—Proving that ambition knows no age limits, local septuagenarian Harold Tipple announced this week that he has officially begun his unexpected career path toward becoming the next King of England. At age 75, and seemingly inspired by King Charles III’s recent ascension, Tipple has embarked on what neighbors are hailing as a ‘heartwarming tale of relentless perseverance and mild delusion.’ Tipple, who has never been to England, nonetheless assured reporters that he’s completely dedicated to his regal aspiration, reportedly narrowing his first steps down to either direct relation-based succession or an improbable aristocratic game show win.

Tipple, a former retiree who mainly spent his days gardening and shouting at squirrels, has wasted no time putting plans into action. After ordering a complete collection of commemorative royal tea towels online, he has started speaking exclusively in a posh British accent and has implemented an elaborate protocol for tea time in his modest flat. ‘If Charles can become king at 73, then 75 feels like the new 50,’ said Tipple, who has already commissioned an extravagant portrait of himself waving regally to the birds in his backyard. He has also started referring to his home as ‘Buckingham Lite’ and has hired his nephew to follow him around carrying an ornate umbrella, strictly for ceremonial purposes.

Realizing there might be hurdles, mainly the British line of succession and international laws, Tipple remains undeterred. In fact, he’s considering various contingency plans should the royal track prove challenging. Plans include self-proclamation of kingship over his cul-de-sac or spearheading a new aristocratic class of transatlantic hedge kings. ‘In the unlikely event that the Windsor spares don’t pan out, I’m frankly content with being the author of my own majesty,’ Tipple remarked while practicing bowing before his elderly cat, Sir Whiskerton the Third. His ultimate dream, however, remains clear: take to the balcony at Buckingham Palace for his first royal wave, albeit aimed at a group of thoroughly confused London tourists.