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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Freshly posted on X:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Live now on YouTube:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Live now on Threads:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Going bananas on Discord:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Just landed via Instagram:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

2 months ago

0

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like this salsa class had less salsa and more drama! 🌶️ No chips, no dips, just awkward dance moves and grabby weirdos – what a recipe for an adventure! 💃🕺 Maybe next time bring your own snacks and teach them some salsa etiquette too! 💁‍♂️💃"

activity, around, chips, class, dancing, day, dip, grabby, humor, i, intro, myself, salsa, starving, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

0

4 months ago

2, AirPods, am, every, exist, humor, i, late, late night, listen, men, music, night, relaxation, simply, solitude, walk
Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

0

5 months ago

beach, close, comfort, experience, feeling, human, nap, never, post, post-beach, relaxation, serenity, shower, throw, touch
Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, news, relaxing, things, tornado
We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, age regression, both, childhood, friendship, fun, fun activity, humor, joking, me, playful, push, regression, same, swingset, time
Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

0

3 months ago

advice, before, chewing, hard, humor, life, listen, marriage, relationship, rest, someone, sound, sounds, soundtrack
I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

0

4 months ago

communication, even, humor, husband, i, knows, misunderstanding, relationship, silence, speaking, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Threads this month:

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

59 shares on X this month:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

83 shares on Slack this month:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Trending via X:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Spotted on Instagram:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Just shared via X:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

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