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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

31 minutes ago

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Live now on Slack:

My parents think they know me.

Reported on Telegram:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Going viral on Messenger:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Freshly posted on X:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Freshly posted on X:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Reported on Facebook:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

6 months ago

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if it's smother time, just make sure you have a plate of pancakes ready! 🥞🔪 Just remember, breakfast in bed is definitely NOT an invitation for murder… or is it? 😏🤔 Just kidding! Always err on the side of caution when it comes to misheard intentions! #PancakesNotPoison 🥞🚫🧯

humor, i, misunderstanding, murder, smother, still, thought, time, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

31 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Spotted on Threads:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Seen just now on X:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Going viral on Threads:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Shared recently on TikTok:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Reported on Pinterest:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

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