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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Making waves on Discord:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Making waves on YouTube:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Making waves on TikTok:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

2 months ago

0

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

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Commentary:
"Ever find yourself questioning life's decisions like not forwarding that chain email from over a decade ago? 🔮✉️ Don't worry, your luck probably isn't determined by your email forwarding skills…or is it? 🤔😂 #MondayMysteries"

2007, back, bad, bad luck, email, forward, humor, i, irony, life, luck, people, regrets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

0

2 months ago

comma, commas, creativity, food, garlic, heart, humor, measure, writing
I bet God still calls it Twitter.

0

2 months ago

bet, calls, God, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, still, Twitter
Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

0

2 months ago

barista, beverage, coffee, everyone, frustration, good, humor, joke, lid, morning
I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

0

2 months ago

bet, Bigfoot, cheeseburger, creature, food, friendship, hangout, humor, i, mythical, mythical creature, once, time, us, wildlife
One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

0

2 months ago

convenience, daily, daily life, else, experience, favorite, favorite part, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, life, me, parts, shopping, shopping experience, somebody, someone, someone else
Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

0

2 months ago

animal, barn, biannual, cleaning, dental, humor, hygiene, just, teeth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

10 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

100 shares on Threads this month:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,370

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Live now on X:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Breaking via Messenger:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Spreading quickly via X:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Just shared via TikTok:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Spotted on Reddit:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Just shared via Instagram:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

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