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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The older I get, no.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Live now on Slack:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Just landed via Discord:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Trending via X:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Trending via Telegram:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Seen just now on Threads:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Spotted on WeChat:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

2 months ago

0

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

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Commentary:
"Who needs wild nights out or teenage rebellions when you can mess up your life the old-fashioned way – with pure determination and stubbornness! 🌟💪 Here's to proving that you don't need to follow the traditional paths to achieve epic levels of chaos. Keep breaking the molds, my friend! 🎉😂"

drug, gambling, life, motivation, people

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

0

2 months ago

daily, day, give, humor, internet, life, media, modern, modern life, prayer, social, social media, us, validation
Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

0

2 months ago

eggplant, eggs, food, gardening, grow, humor, own, pun
I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

0

4 months ago

communication, humor, i, message, ok, paragraphs, recommend, recommendation, reply, saying, short, short reply, texting
USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

0

4 months ago

1, 2, step, think, tracking
No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

0

4 weeks ago

excuse, humor, i, next, once, schedule, shadow, sorry, tiredness, week, work
Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

0

2 months ago

communication, digital, digital humor, emoji, humor, sarcasm, serious, seriousness, show, texting, using, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

81 shares on X this month:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

16 shares on Discord this month:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

87 shares on X this month:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

72 shares on Reddit this month:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Making waves on Discord:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Seen just now on X:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Spotted on TikTok:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Going bananas on X:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Making waves on Threads:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Spotted on Messenger:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

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