SPRINGFIELD—Local woman Clara Jensen was left reeling this week after discovering that life is, in fact, short enough to justify her go-to pick-up line, “Life is short, flirt with me!” “I just thought it was a clever way to meet people, but turns out, I need to check my bucket list,” said Jensen, frantically scheduling skydiving lessons.

Her friends confirmed that Jensen is now taking the phrase quite literally, flirting with everyone she meets, including her barista and several parking meters. “She tried to charm an ATM thinking it was the universe sending signs,” her friend Lisa commented as they watched Clara unsuccessfully wink at a garden gnome.

In an attempt to address her existential crisis, Jensen considered tattooing “YOLO” on her forearm but quickly realized there was no time. “I’m maximizing my short life,” Jensen said before expressing admiration for any “life-affirming, existential experiences, or failing that, I’ll take a cute smile from the mailman.”