Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.
  • I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.
  • My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.
  • The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.
  • Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.
  • Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.