My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

88 shares on Threads this month:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.