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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Trending via Snapchat:

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

Freshly posted on Threads:

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Seen just now on X:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Breaking via Twitch:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Spotted on Messenger:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Making waves on Discord:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Going bananas on Slack:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐻💩 Looks like this bear is really in a *sticky* situation! 🙈 Let's hope he can *bear* through it and come out of the woods feeling *paw-sitively* better soon! 🌲🐻💚

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Telegram this month:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

26 shares on WeChat this month:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Making waves on YouTube:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

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