My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

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I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

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Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

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Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

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My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.