Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Sounds like your doctor is a real party pooper! 🎉👨‍⚕️ Maybe it's time to find a new doctor who's more willing to keep things up and running! 😉💊

doctor, hanging, health, humor, joke, just, left, me, medicine, prescription, relationship, Viagra

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

0

2 months ago

am, ban, books, borrow, calling, humor, i, irony, library, lost, need, public, reading
I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

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2 weeks ago

absolutely, anti-social, being, doing, doing nothing, home, humor, i, laziness, love, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, society
Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

0

3 weeks ago

ability, complication, difficult, difficulty, effort, humor, needs, never, procrastination, self-deprecating, something, underestimate
I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

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2 months ago

born, finance, hate, humor, i, joke, managing, money, spending, splurge
So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

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2 months ago

absurdity, anything, cat, chores, disposal, else, garbage, humor, laundry, myself, shower, showered
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

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5 months ago

airport, car, caught, company, customer, customer service, frustration, guard, hand, humor, job, me, rental, rental car, rental company, reservation, sarcasm, service, show, sorry, wait, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Twitch this month:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

90 shares on X this month:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

88 shares on X this month:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Just landed via Facebook:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Going viral on Instagram:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Just landed via Slack:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Going bananas on Slack:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Trending via Telegram:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨