Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.
  • My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.
  • I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.
  • Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.
  • If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.
  • Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.