My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

41 shares on Messenger this month:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.