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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,468

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Going bananas on Discord:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Making waves on X:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Going bananas on Threads:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

0
My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, it seems your husband has officially graduated to the "fun socks" phase of adulthood, where the waistbands get higher and the sock patterns get wilder! 🧦🕺 Who needs mid-life crises when you can just rock some quirky socks instead? 😄 #SockGameStrong

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Discord this month:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

16 shares on X this month:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

90 shares on Discord this month:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Just shared via TikTok:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Just shared via Facebook:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Shared recently on Threads:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

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