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Iโ€™m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

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Iโ€™ll see you in your nightmares.

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The difference between us is that people can peck you and Iโ€™m impeccable.

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Avocado is just green butter.

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I was told to be more optimistic so Iโ€™ve decided french fries arenโ€™t bad for me.

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It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

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The date didnโ€™t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

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Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

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What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

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Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but donโ€™t get to show anyone until I die.

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My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal struggle of toeing the fine line between sarcasm and sincerity – a true conundrum! ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚ It's like a never-ending game of 'Is it sarcasm or is it real life?' ๐Ÿ™ƒ Embrace the ambiguity and just keep 'em guessing! ๐Ÿ˜‰ #MasterOfSarcasm"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Iโ€™d pretend to care about football for you.

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Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say โ€œguess where I amโ€. The library?

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My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

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If my fingers donโ€™t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

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Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

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Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

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Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

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Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

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My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

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Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.