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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Going bananas on Discord:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Making waves on Threads:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Just shared via Slack:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Just landed via Slack:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Making waves on Threads:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Witty text about long-lasting relationship with Hotmail, humorously highlighting tech loyalty.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a romantic partner when you've got a loyal email address by your side for years? 💻💕 Hotmail has been through all the spam, filters, and attachment troubles with me – true love at first login! 💌 #EmailGoals"

, , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Slack this month:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

28 shares on X this month:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

80 shares on Threads this month:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Broadcasted on Slack:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Spotted on X:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Just landed via Instagram:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Live now on Pinterest:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Trending via YouTube:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Spotted on X:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

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