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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Earth is hard.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

About to form my very first opinion.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Seen just now on Twitch:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

4 weeks ago

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61 shares on Threads this month:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

20 shares on X this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

96 shares on Slack this month:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

47 shares on Threads this month:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Being naked with headphones on is so fun.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Just shared via Discord:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Just shared via X:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Shared recently on Threads:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Just shared via Reddit:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

My parents think they know me.

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

My parents think they know me.

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨