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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Going bananas on Facebook:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Just landed via YouTube:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Making waves on WeChat:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Going viral on Telegram:

My middle finger salutes you.

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

2 months ago

0

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic "headphones defense" move – a bold tactic indeed! 🎧😄 Nothing like a little strategic deafness to keep unwanted advances at bay! Maybe invest in some invisible headphones next time for that extra level of commitment to the ruse! 🤫😂

communication, dating, headphones, hear, humor, i, interaction, men, move, relationship, signature, signature move, social, social interaction, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

0

2 months ago

career, career change, change, experience, humor, i, interviewer, job, job search, learn, me, need, new, new job, previous, search, work, work experience
Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

0

2 months ago

drama, drink, energy, energy drink, girl, humor, joke, me, relationship, tired, told
For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

0

2 months ago

control, expectations, humor, ID, irony, life, once, self-control, spiral
Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

0

2 months ago

dating, expectations, humor, man, nobody, relationship, stress, woman
Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

0

2 months ago

cell, cell phone, company, give, give up, hold, hold music, humor, interest, jazz, lose, music, phone, play, smooth, smooth jazz, working
You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

0

2 months ago

believe, communication, distraction, doing, doing well, email, found, going, i, me, surprise, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

53 shares on Discord this month:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

92 shares on Threads this month:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Shared recently on WeChat:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Shared recently on Discord:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Trending via Facebook:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Seen just now on Discord:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Making waves on YouTube:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

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