My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

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If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

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Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

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I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

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Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

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My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

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Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

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Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

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You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

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Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

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Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?